Berlin

Even the longest working holiday eventually comes to an end, and I return home, supposedly full of joy. Supposedly.There is, however, something that makes me sit here in the Tempelhof airport lounge, smiling with quiet melancholy. It is not the weather that makes me wistful, I am flying into summer, after all, but some things, even I don’t write on the internet.

What a trip it has been: Rome, Genoa, Nice, Barcelona, Paris, Stuttgart, and Berlin. It sounds like a lot, and it was. Especially with forty-two kilograms of luggage. An emotional rollercoaster between new and familiar, back and forth, up and down. I still need to let it all settle. For now, I see it as returning home, to Australia, to my bicycle, my new couch, the coffee machine, the television, and the two pots I own. The rest is probably still floating somewhere in the Indian Ocean.

How was Berlin? Honestly, it felt a bit like coming home. Over the past six years, I have visited seven times. I knew the corners, the streets, even the public transport, which, contrary to many rumours, worked perfectly well. Fewer construction sites, otherwise? Everything as usual. Great atmosphere at the concerts I went to.

And what was the point of this trip, really?That is what I am asking myself now, here in Doha, on the way back to Brisbane.Of course there were conferences. Of course there was relaxation, or as they call it in Australia, downtime. If you work four to six hours instead of twelve to sixteen, I suppose that counts. It was still productive. That is what we call work. A bricklayer does not stay awake until midnight to talk with his team, only to get up again at seven with thirty-seven unread emails. The time in between mostly belonged to me, except on conference days.

So why again Rome, Genoa, Paris, and Berlin, the exact same places as last year?Exactly because of that. I knew how I had felt back then. I wanted to compare. And look at that, I am doing much better now. Much better. I only get annoyed at myself these days, at the last year and a half. One and a half years of manipulative nonsense. Well, you only get manipulated if you let yourself be.

In 2024, I had a job offer in Berlin. More money, a lot more. Berlin is a fantastic city, much more exciting than the Ruhr area. That is what I thought about while walking through the city this time.That constant weighing back then, leave or endure. They offered me an open-ended contract until the end of 2024. I could have signed anytime, and I probably would have. Life in Essen had worn me down despite the permanent position. When people take out their frustration on others, it can cut deep. But then AdvanCell came along. And suddenly, I was fine. Yes, it is stressful. But it is good stress. The kind that pays off.

Did I ever want to emigrate? No. Do I miss Europe? Yes and no.I miss people sitting outside in the evenings, smoking, talking, just living. In Queensland, everything ends at six in the evening.Of course, I miss speaking German, fluently, naturally. But there is also a lot I do not miss. For example, the weather. And to be honest, my life had become boring. Stuck. Trapped in routines.

Here, everything is new, exciting, and challenging. And that is a good thing. Someday it will probably become boring too, but maybe by then I will finally be old enough to accept it.

Was that the purpose of the trip, to make me realise that?Perhaps. I wanted to close the chapter on the past one and a half years. I thought about it often, but this time without emotion. Every time I remembered those moments, there was nothing left. No anger, no sadness.When I walked through Portofino Park, I realised that I was no longer carrying the weight of last year. I had drawn that line long ago. And that was good.

Not only with those last one and a half years, but with many things. My life now faces forward, not backward. It is simply not worth thinking about what was.

Now I sit here in my apartment, the sun is rising, the SWR1 hit parade is playing, this one week of the year. And there is a smile on my face. That smile has a reason.Where it will lead, we will see, in this sense.